As I sit down to write this newsletter, I’m listening to the radio and hear that it’s the first day of autumn.  How quickly the months are passing!  But then I also realise that today is also a very poignant day in my life.  I have been working for myself for ten years!

Can you believe it?  In some ways it feels like only last year and then in others it feels like a lifetime ago.  Talk about character building.  It’s been stressful at times and exhilarating at others – a journey of dogged determination, stick-ability and constant learning, if not reinvention!  And that’s why I thought it was only right that I should choose ‘R is for resilience’ this month.

So what has tested my resilience?  When I first started out I suppose I was a little naïve.  Although I’d left a role at Mortgage Express that had provided me with experience of all sides of a business it was a little different doing it for myself.  I had to create my own branding, think about messaging that I wanted to put out on the website and brochures, build the website and then do all that stuff like ring people and ask for business.  It was daunting, but somewhere deep inside, I’d made a commitment to make this a success and I wasn’t about to be put off by tasks that tested my abilities.

If I’m totally honest, I did wonder if I’d bitten off more than I could chew to start off with, but as the business started to build up, I became excited about the variety of work I was being asked to do.  But of course the next hurdle was the overwhelming sense of self-doubt as to whether I could achieve the results they required.  Of course, my preparation made sure that I’d got all angles covered, but it didn’t stop that feeling of anxiety.

Business was going great guns when in the middle of 2008, recession started to hit.  There’s nothing worse than watching the news first thing in the morning and last thing at night to hear about the doom and gloom from Robert Peston. You start to understand words that you’d never taken much notice of before like the FTSE 100 and derivatives.  I had to stop watching it!  I had clients ringing to say that they’re going to be putting their training on hold and would be in touch in the next six months to see whether to resurrect it – training being one of the first thing to disappear when the purse strings tighten!  Eventually the calls stopped and it became very quiet.  There were some days I didn’t speak to anyone after Ray had left the house to go to work until he returned later that evening.  I think this was probably my most lonely and worrying time in my life.  Made that little bit worse by the demise of Bradford & Bingley collapsing and taking with it mine and others shares.

Feeling sorry for myself isn’t a place that I feel very comfortable, so I gave myself a good talking to and decided on a plan of action.  I’d have to get some part time jobs to help me with the cash flow and then think about how this new environment could work for me.  It wasn’t long before I started to read a number of ‘change management’ books.  I was mesmerised by the theory and recognised so many elements within myself.  I’d experienced all parts of the change curve, could identify with the levels of resistance and knew what it felt like to be in either the fight, flight or freeze mode.  Suddenly I was excited again about what the future could hold.  I could see ways in which I could take my new learning and put it to good use with other businesses.  Managing change became my new product.  Whether I was helping businesses to manage their redundancy programmes, set up new projects, help people to anticipate and embrace change – it was all very appropriate for the world we were living in.  We also saw other avenues open up for example CV writing, interview skills, confidence building etc.

For me it’s interesting, how as businesses have started to see change as the norm, my clients have gone back to requesting the Leadership and Management, Customer Service and Team Building Programmes.  However, being able to build on my ‘managing change’ experience I now feel much more adept in writing and facilitating them.

I’m sharing this with you because my idea of resilience is that it’s the ability to overcome challenges that are thrown at you.  I sometimes wonder how I have managed to achieve ten years working for myself because there have been some bumps in the road when I’ve thought it might be better to work for someone else, or as  mum puts it ‘get a proper job’.  And then I’ve woken up the next day and got to grips with what was required of me.  If I look at my learning from all of the above I think I’d package it in the following way:

Recover and reinvent.  Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t do and then break it into bite size chunks so that you can take the first step.  When we worry about things and wallow in the situation it takes up valuable recovery time.  Stop spending time worrying about what you can’t do and refocus that energy into the things that you can do.  Reinvention can be an outcome!

Express how you feel.  Things can grow out of proportion very quickly when we don’t speak about them, yet never seem so bad when you share those thoughts with others.  Make sure you have some close allies who you can share your feelings with – ones who will be truthful with you, support you, but also challenge your map of the world and see life from a different perspective.

Make time for Sleep.  When I don’t have my eight hours sleep, I don’t work at my best (and can be known to be a little niggly!!)  I used to read articles about work before I went to sleep or work on my laptop late into the night. Neither of these things helped me to unwind.  Now I make sure I’m relaxed before going to bed and if there’s something playing on my mind, I write it down so that I can deal with it the next day.

Individual accountability.   Taking ownership and responsibility for our actions has always been a rule close to my heart.  Those of you who work with me know that I’m definitely an ‘ask for forgiveness’ girl rather than an ‘ask for permission’ one.  And this can mean that sometimes I make the wrong decisions, and have to hold my hands up.  When you admit to getting things wrong, it helps you draw a line under it and to move on.

Learn lessons from everything.  No matter what we do there are always learning points to take away from every situation.  Search out feedback from everyone you come into contact with and be open to change.  Adaptability helps us to constantly improve.

Involve others.  It’s a true saying that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.  I spent a long time trying to achieve everything on my own.  As soon as I started to ask for help, it came in bucket loads.  It also meant that by involving others I had a network of people to bounce ideas off.  I now love networking and connecting other people together.

Enjoy the moment.  When we’re on overdrive the whole time, we eventually face burn out.  There have been some years when I’ve wondered if I will make it to my holiday because I’ve pushed myself to the nth degree to achieve a self-imposed target or taken myself too seriously. I love what I do, so I now make sure that everyone else knows that too.  Fortunately I’m a born smiler and I love giving them away!

Never give up.  If you want something bad enough you will overcome every obstacle to achieve your dream.  I always marvel at ants.  When you put a barrier in their way, they’ll find a way to go around it, over it, or under it to get where they want to go.  If we have clarity of our goals it helps us to move in the right direction

Courage is about being brave.  It’s about getting out of your comfort zone and showing those negative voices in your head that you can do it!  There have been plenty of times where I’ve had to take a deep breath, paint a smile on my face and get out there.  And 99.9% of the times, it’s never as bad as the picture you’ve created for yourself.

Expect that there will be some days that are more testing than others.  As mentioned before, we can’t plan for every eventuality, but we can equip ourselves as best we can.  When we have days that really test us, put it all down to experience.  Plan something nice for the end of the day and know that tomorrow we can start all over again.

Of course, throughout the last ten years there have been some extraordinary people who have wanted me to and helped me to succeed.  I’m not going to mention you all by name as I will inadvertently leave someone out.  You know who you are and I am forever grateful.

It might be the beginning of autumn in the UK but it certainly isn’t for my business.  I’m looking forward to the next ten years and what the universe has in store for us all.