This year I’ve taken the opportunity to talk to as many people as possible to find out what they view as the hot topic they’d like to improve in their organisation. And can you believe that it’s communication? Well to be precise it’s about being able to provide better feedback.

In fact one HR professional told me that she felt

“90% of external training could be cancelled if people could give feedback well”

So I started to ask myself why does feedback hold the key to so many training issues?

It quickly became apparent that a lot of people view giving feedback as a negative activity. An action that was seen as a ‘difficult’ conversation to have as it was usually to give bad news. There weren’t many people who described giving feedback as an opportunity to build someone’s confidence or provide input to their ongoing development. Which I found strange as I see feedback as a vital part of a person’s education. In fact feedback is the source of continuous improvement. Think about customer feedback. If you didn’t receive it, you’d never know what they actually wanted, so how would you ever be able to provide the right level of service or product?

It’s the same for your people, if you don’t give them feedback they won’t know whether they are on the right track. You know yourself, that it’s nice to be reassured that you are doing things right. Feedback is a key part of your Appreciative Leadership process to focus on what the person does really well so that you get to see more of that activity, attitude or behaviour and it eventually becomes a great habit.

This is one of the key elements to giving feedback and having open communications in your organisations – make sure that you give feedback when things are going right as well as when they need improving.

If you only give feedback when a member of your team gets it wrong, they will always experience their one to one conversations with you as a ‘telling off’ time and don’t look forward to meeting up with you. In fact you don’t look forward to the meetings either as there’s bound to be some conflict as you sit at opposite ends of the table trying to justify yourselves. Think about the last conversation you had like this. I bet you can clearly visualise the scenario and describe your body language, the type of words you used and how the person reacted? Why don’t you note them down and then continue to read through the rest of this article?

When feedback is regarded as an ongoing process, your people will react to it much more positively. They recognise that you tell them when they are getting it right as well as when they get it wrong so it helps them to see that you have their best interests at heart, as you want them to be the best they can be.

And this leads me onto how you communicate. We often shy away from having those difficult conversations because we need to be honest about the impact someone is having. But what often happens is that we go one of two ways – heavy handed or pussy footed.

The heavy handed approach is usually when you have the attitude of I’m going to win and you’re going to lose for example you will do things my way. You take honesty to the next level and are quite brutal in your feedback which leaves the person feeling wounded by your attack. The opposite end of the spectrum, of course is to pussy foot around with your feedback. You’re not quite as honest as you could be, you’re not specific in what needs to change and therefore don’t get to the nub of the issue. This results in the person receiving mixed messages and not knowing what specific things they need to alter. So there’s a huge element about getting the balance right.

Over the years, I have learned numerous lessons giving feedback and I’d like to share some of them with you.

Ask for permission – some people feel uncomfortable receiving feedback. So when you ask them if you can provide them with feedback based on your observations, they are much more likely to be open to what you have to say.

Don’t wait to give feedback – provide it when it happens or as close to the time as possible. This focuses praise on the activity and makes it relevant. And if something has gone wrong, then it’s better to discuss it sooner rather than later so that you don’t dwell on the issue and allow it build into something bigger than it already is. The longer you leave it, the more of a surprise it will become.

Always focus on the here and now – once you have provided feedback on the activity, recognise it and move on. If you continue to dwell on items from the past, whether it’s positive of negative, it can have a detrimental affect on the person as well as the team.

Don’t form judgements too quickly – there’s always another way of looking at things. A great friend gave me some invaluable advice which was to ‘remain curious’. When we’re clear of what we want we often think we’ve got all the answers. Be prepared to listen with both ears and understand where confusions may arise. The person you are working with may have had a very different understanding of the task to you.

Keep it objective – when we get emotive about things we can sometimes tread the line of being disrespectful. Disrespectful behaviour doesn’t help build high performance, nor does it build confidence in ability. Feedback given badly can come across as an attack where one person wins and the other person loses. The point of giving feedback is to continue the person’s development for themselves and your organisation. It is therefore essential that you keep focused on the point and come from the position of win/win.

Feedback is vital education – and it can also be really inspirational. As Ken Blanchard said ‘Feedback is the breakfast of champions’. We learn so much from what others tell us and if we act on their constructive feedback we can continually develop ourselves to be the best we can be.

If you are serious about creating open communications within your organisation, feedback is a key element to make this happen. And it starts with you. First of all you need to think about all the opportunities you have to give feedback and how you will give it.

So have a look at those words you wrote down earlier about your body language and the words that you used that recent scenario. Try using this B.O.O.S.T. model to see how you might handle the situation differently if you had to have that conversation again?

B balance between positive and unhelpful behaviours
O Owned ie use the ‘I’ word
O Observed – it’s factual not hearsay
S Specific to that situation
T Make it a ‘two way’ conversation

I’ll leave you with a quote from Mary Kay Ash who said ‘Everyone wants to feel appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret!