I’ve chosen Q is for Questions because not so long ago I had a conversation with one of my clients who was a little frustrated that his team hadn’t asked questions at the end of a presentation.  He was concerned that the absence of questioning may have been perceived as a lack of interest on their part and wanted to find ways to help them develop for future sessions.

There are a number of reasons why we don’t speak up at meetings, some of which might be because:

• we need extra time to reflect on the material.  There are some times that we need to think more about the information we are given than to act with immediacy.  Having worked with both reflective and spontaneous people, I understand the need for the former to require more time to think about all angles of what was being proposed before asking their questions and coming to a better solution.
• we’re in awe of the presenter.  When we admire someone so much, it can stop us in our track and make us feel a little dumbstruck.
• we haven’t listened properly.  When we don’t listen fully we may think our question has already been answered in the presentation so don’t like to ask again.
• we would prefer to ask questions on a one to one basis.  Although this is perhaps more to do with the individual, we sometimes feel a little inhibited by those around us and favour chatting to the person when it’s just the two of us.
• our mind is on other business priorities.  When our mind is elsewhere than in the room ie concerned about a piece of work that we should be doing to meet a tight deadline, we often look for the quickest solution to get us back to it.  Therefore not asking questions is an ideal way of speeding up the pace.
• we don’t want to look silly in front of our peers.   Even though we have questions to ask we can often listen to our inner critic who is telling us that it’s a silly question.  Yet, how many of us leave the meeting and find that others were wanting to ask the same question too?  I think we’ve been listening too much to the Abraham Lincoln quote that ‘it’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt’ and should reframe it with the chinese proverb “He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever”.  If we have greater clarity on the subject, we are able to make better decisions.
• we don’t feel the need to probe any deeper than what was presented.  If we are already a subject matter expert we may feel that we don’t need to ask questions to clarify understanding, as our knowledge is at a level of, or greater than, that of the presenter.
• we were brought up in a way that saw ‘challenge’ as a negative rather than a positive. As we grow up we soon learn to avoid asking questions. When we’re very young we drive our elders mad with our inquisitiveness – why this and why that? But after a certain age we soon learn that it can be seen as irritating and tiresome!   I  found it interesting to read an article about schooling that showed students spend more than 10,000 hours learning:
  • not to disagree with the teacher or point out inconsistencies
  • not to ask questions beyond what’s being taught
  • not to admit when they are lost
  • to look like they understand every word the teacher says whether they do or not
  • to pass exams (and not to absorb or integrate new knowledge)

Is it any wonder why people don’t speak up?!

Why is it important to ask questions?

To be a good communicator we need to know how to ask questions. It is key to resolving issues, understanding where confusion and misunderstandings may lie but importantly, as a leader, it can help us to focus on the areas where we need to spend our time and attention.  Whether we are managing people or projects, coaching others or managing conflict we need to be able to ask the right questions to enable us to come up with right solutions.  After all they are ‘quests’ in search of answers.

 There are so many benefits of being an effective questioner such as gathering new information which is key to learning.  Bobb Beihl says that ‘if you ask profound questions, you get profound answers; if you ask shallow questions, you get shallow answers; and if you ask no questions, you get no answers at all’.  How many times have you asked a question for the sake of it and not really found out anything new, yet when you’ve spent time thinking about the knowledge you’d like to glean, have spent time formulating the right question?  It’s only by asking the right questions are we able to open our minds to new ways of thinking and view something in a different light.

In one of my workshops I ask a question of the group to get them to think about good questions.  I’m only allowed to answer yes or no to any of their questions but give them twenty chances to find the right question that provides them with the solution.  What question would you ask me?

Danish Government issues staff in one department free biscuits every day.

Why?

Albert Einstein was known as the The Quintessential Question Asker.  He often said that he had no special talent, only passionately curious which helped him to be really successful at asking questions.  If we’re trying to solve a problem we need to find out as much as possible so that we don’t rely on any assumptions.  But with this also means that we have to have the ability to listen effectively too.  When we listen carefully, and know that we have to do something with that information we are more likely to ask questions so that we have clarity.

How can we help ourselves and others to become better at asking questions? 

I think there are three ways that can help us ask more meaningful questions.

1. Listen as if you were going to have to explain the information to others.  This means being intent on understanding what the person who is talking is really saying. Don’t take anything for granted.  If you have a niggling doubt or a gut feel about something, ask the question.  When you have this level of interest you will question anything that is unclear and leave with clarity on all aspects of the topic.
2. Note down any good questions that you hear as you never know when you will be able to use them.  Think of the people who are able to refocus a meeting straight away with one question.  Learn from them and find ways to pass on their wisdom!  Ask people you admire what are their favourite questions when they are making decisions about money, lifestyle etc.  You may be surprised with what they say.  I found these greatest questions of all times in a Telegraph Article that I thought might interests you.
3. Believe in yourself –Ask the question that’s going around in your mind as there are bound to be other people sitting around the table that are thinking the same thing.  And so what if the information has already been said earlier and you hadn’t heard it … surely it’s better to be in possession of all the facts.  As Peter Drucker said, ‘Once the facts are clear, the solution jumps out at you!’  If you don’t have clarity in your own understanding, how are you ever going to be able to make the best decisions?  Perhaps you should start off by asking more questions in what you see as a ‘safe environment’ and then progress to being the person who asks the question in the conference setting!

And if you are asking questions, make sure you’re doing it in the right way. If you’re feeling anxious, take a deep breath and be yourself.  Our body language and tone can often affect the way in which a question is received and then be reflected in the answer we receive back to us.  Be aware of what your body is saying, the language you are using and the way in which you’re saying it!  Then give the person time to respond.  They may need to collect their thoughts so as to give you the best response.   And if you’re leading people remember that every question is a potential learning opportunity.  Rather than giving answers to people, ask them how they would prefer to deal with the situation and then provide them with any additional guidance.  What would they do if you weren’t there?  I know that in the past I often just wanted someone to provide me with the answers, but if my best mentors in life had done just that, I would never have turned out to be the independent, curious person that I am today.  The way in which they asked questions, has been so thought provoking that it made me regularly second guess what they might ask me when I went to them for help.  As you can imagine, in time, this helped me to form my own decisions and conclusions without their input.